First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
