Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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