Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
