Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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