Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
