Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
