Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need to stop coming to work sober
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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