hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Couch. On fire.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
