GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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