i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
