Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
