Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
