He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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