How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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