He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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