sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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