I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
