she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
