I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
