shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
