Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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