I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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