so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
