I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love black thongs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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