True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
