M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
