I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
