operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
