Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
