So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
