I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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