I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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