I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
