Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I forget how to act sober
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
