you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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