When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
