chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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