and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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