I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
