Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
