i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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