So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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