I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
