Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
