Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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