i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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