so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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