Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
