true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
