I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
