Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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