I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
