he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
