My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
