He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
