hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My pussy is not your playground.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
